Tom Brady recently posted this picture on Instagram, and it details some of the possible suspects that stole his Super Bowl jersey. I’m here to break it down and hopefully solve this crime.
Suspect 1: Julian Edelman
Edelman was a key part of the game tying drive in the 4th with his Immaculate Grit-ception. He also had a first down catch in overtime, to move the ball up to Atlanta’s 25 yard line. If Jules did steal the jersey, it would likely be because he feels entitled to it because of his part in the 4th quarter and overtime.
Suspect 2: Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga was the halftime show for the Super Bowl, which I didn’t watch, you probably didn’t watch, and likely very few people watched (compared to the game). If she did steal the jersey, it’s simply because she didn’t get the attention as Brady and the Patriots mounted their legendary comeback. As Brady mentioned, the ropes Lady Gaga used could be used as an escape to get away with the jersey.
Suspect 3: Jaws
As Brady said, Jaws has a violent history and takes things without asking. So Jaws would likely not put it past him to steal a jersey valued at $500,000.
Suspect 4: The Clown who stole Air Bud
He’s a bad guy. Brady said so. He stole a dog from a kid, so a jersey from a GOAT is nothing to him.
Suspect 5: Scooby
He always steals Fluffy’s food. Like Jaws, stealing a jersey is not past him.
Suspect 6: Creepy Tom
He’s upset that Our Tom is getting all the attention. What better way to get back at him then to steal his jersey?
Suspect 7: Crab People
They wish to rule the land of Earth. It’s quite obvious that if they took it, they’re starting with Boston.
Suspect 8: Michael Scott
As Brady said, Michael is associated with Dementors. He’s also never been caught. If he did it, he’s putting it all on the line for the jersey, even if it wouldn’t bring as much value in Scranton.
Suspect 9: O’Doyle Family
They are a notorious brotherhood of bullies, and a repeat stealer of lunches. Their history means we can’t put it past them to steal Tom’s jersey.
Suspect 10: Gary Oak
Anyone who’s played Pokemon knows that Gary is a bad guy. Even Tom said that. He says Smell Ya Later, and somehow won 10 badges in a region with 8 gyms. It wouldn’t be above him to steal Tom’s jersey, so that maybe his grandfather could remember his name.
Suspect 11: The guy who stole Khaleesi’s egg (Pyat Pree?)
I’ll be blunt with you: I have no idea who this guy is. But Tom said he can’t be trusted, and he has a history of stealing. So I wouldn’t put it past him to steal the jersey.
Suspect 12: Gollum
As Tom said, Gollum likes rings. So much he’s even willing to die for them. He wasn’t on the Patriots roster for the Super Bowl, so he can’t get a ring. But what’s the next best thing? The jersey of the Super Bowl MVP.
Who do I think did it? Of the suspects, Gollum and Edelman seem the most likely. That being said, I can’t see Jules doing this. So, the Tom Brady jersey thief is Gollum. Tom, if you’re reading this, hope it helps.